HibearnationThe young and chunky Ashleigh Alter sits at home in her feety pajamas, reading her brand new book about bears. She had been given a few new books to keep her mind off food, as her parents, Mr. and Mr. Alter, wanted Ashleigh to go on a diet after Halloween and Thanksgiving, as she was starting to get “a potbelly” from eating too much. She thought that was dumb, but her new books were fun so she was glued to them. On that too-quiet afternoon in early December, she lounges, enraptured by her new book. She reads about how red pandas are not in fact bears, but some funny word she can’t figure out how to say out loud, and her eyes light up when she gets to the chapter about hibernation.So every now and then when it got cold, bears would gobble up lots of food then take a big nap. She thinks to herself.A wicked little smile opens up her deceptively angelic face. Running to the kitchen, she stumbles. Instead of falling on her face, she barrels onward into the kitchen on all
gossamer loveyou will love a womanwho uses the wordgossamertoo often. she willdiagnose dead artists' descentsinto madness and laughtoo loudly at jokesno one understands.she will braid crowns offlowers, she will write poemsin constellations, she willtry to walk like a dancer sono one can hear herleave. she will bean ice sculpture, and whenshe cries, you'll convince yourselfshe's melting, she loves you, you'vechanged her, you'vechanged; she will wear youlike a comma, likean incomplete thought,likeapausein her story, andshe will leave you wonderingwhatyoudidwrong.
EstellaI had a girl once,before she died.she was pale and thinand sunken-eyedwith thin white lipsand raven hairand anger hiddenin her amber stare.She came to mewhen I was alonewith heartache riddled,mind of stoneshe played to meher desperate songsand kept me aliveall winter long.And through it all,though she tore at me,there was nowhere elseI hoped to be...She was an orphanof wide-open spaceschild of bookshelvesmy empty placesI granted her solacehere in my heartalthough life had begunto wrench it apartShe played to my torment,self-created anguishthe parts of my bodybeginning to languishand I kept her there safein my haze of regretthe sole consolationI could hope to getAnd she kept me alive,but she kept me asleep,down under the raftersmy sorrow so deep.And still over time,I began to rebelI began to see real lifenot as living hellbut she sulked in my cornersstared storm clouds at me"We're worthless," she said,"And it's all we will be.
Broken momentsSitting beside the windowTwisting a strand of hairThinking of those broken momentsWhich no magic can repairIt seems like just nowYou whispered something about loveIt took me to up to the skyAmong singing and dancing dovesOh how can I forgetThat smile, that blushWhich only and only your voice could bringNo matter I was in what rushBut then fate came inTore me from withinSmashed and thrashed the dying meAnd left no way for light to come inI should have knownHappiness isn’t for meI never get what I long forNo matter how much I pleaSo now I have to move onOr at least I would tryBecause this world never bears a weaklingJust leaves it to die.